Favorite phone call

It's 5am....sleeping well....pager goes off and it says "so-and-so, 3 months pregnant, possible UTI".

At 5am. Are you serious????

So I call the patient.

Me: It's the midwife on call, what can I do for you?
Pt: I'm 3 months pregnant and think I have a UTI. Is that normal?
Me: No, why don't you tell me what symptoms you have?
Pt: I just got up to go pee (and so you thought I should be awake too????) and it burned. Hardly anything came out. I also feel crampy.
Me: Sounds like a UTI. What's your pharmacy number and I will call you in an antibiotic.
Pt: Huh?
Me: Your pharmacy phone number?
Pt: What do you mean?
Me: Where do you want me to call in your antibiotics to? (or did you want me to pick them up and bring them to you?)
Pt: Oh, I don't know.
Me: Do you have a phone book you can look it up in?
Pt: *slight tone of exasperation* Yeah, hold on. (right, because I'm totally inconvienencing you)

*Listening to whispered talking with her lovebug as they attempt to find the phone number of a pharmacy by the hospital.*

Pt: Ok the number is xxxxxxxxxx.
Me: Ok, I'll call it in for you. Start that today, blah blah blah.

I call the number and it's a fax machine. Motherf*ck.

Hence me sitting here on my computer griping as I had to boot my computer up and find a damn pharmacy number. Grrr.