Saturday, April 3, 2010

Breathless

Seems that my husband and I are both breathless but in different ways. He took the kids to the park and got out of breath just walking around leisurely. This morning he took our older daughter to play basketball at a local church. He didn't do anything but watch. Now he's exhausted and sound asleep. It seems to me he's getting worse. I'm wondering if he will have the stamina to go to his hour and a half class on Monday.

I'm breathless at times from anxiety. I feel this intense fear because I know 'it' could happen any moment now. What's 'it'?

'It' is death, heart attack, chest pain, etc. All the bad things that might happen due to his condition.

I try not to focus on 'it' too much but it's damn hard to avoid. I don't know if I should be talking to the children now about what's happening with him. That would be a painful conversation. And what exactly do you say? Without scaring the crap out of them? My daughters understand that daddy has a bad heart but I think only my older daughter has a realistic idea of what that means. To some extent anyway. My son is mentally disabled and has no clue. So I rely a lot on my older daughter to help keep an eye on him. She knows to call 911 if something happens to daddy while mom is away at work or out of the house. She knows what to tell them. I worry that I am burdening her too much though so I try to really watch what I say.

I hate when people ask me "How's your husband?". I know they are just being courteous or well-meaning. But what do you say to answer that? He's great? He's fine? He's dying?

6 comments:

womantowomancbe said...

Maybe counter with, "He could be better." Then if they are actually interested they may ask for more details.

Tough call with the kids, though. They can probably tell that he's not doing too great right now and is in some way "sick". But how to prepare them without scaring them is difficult.

-Kathy

Ciarin said...

I like your answer and think that indicates what the situation really is. Thanks!

Jen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ethel said...

When I ask that kind of question I really want to know, it's also a question about how you are doing and perhaps what you might need. That's all, those who ask wanting a skim of assurance shouldn't be asking at all - politeness means really caring about what is happening.

More prayers for you and your family, it's not going to be fun as you know, and it's not going to end the way you expect - at least things seem to go that way to me.

Ciarin said...

Ethel - really have no expectations of how this will all end. I just hope for the best and prepare for the worst :(

Thanks everyone for your prayers and well wishes - we'll take whatever we can get!

minority midwife said...

((hugs))