tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post7351263809043964333..comments2023-03-23T23:56:00.167-07:00Comments on A Midwife's Tale: Mommy WarsCiarinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01265859556543021100noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-54880903967653295082009-10-21T18:30:04.322-07:002009-10-21T18:30:04.322-07:00I am a working mom, and I freely confess that I do...I am a working mom, and I freely confess that I do not think I am capable of being a SAHM. As my sister puts it " I am not a good enough mom to be a stay at home mom!" I respect both choices mom's make. No need for judgments. Great post.Reality Roundshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11489382111809964841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-35730730577014337532009-10-20T16:38:49.091-07:002009-10-20T16:38:49.091-07:00It's amazing to me as I've endeavored to h...It's amazing to me as I've endeavored to home school my 6 kids that so many new areas of interest open up to me. I am an SAHM and my best ob/gyn was not. I love and respect her. I'm amazed at how women can work and have a family. I'm not that smart, talented, creative, whatever you want to call it. My children don't define who I am, though, and this season of my life will end. It's a misnomer that SAHM's don't have interests outside of their home or a career in the future when those kids are school-age or leave home. The debate continues, but I think, "To each her own."LauraThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15986846093055282121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-79394763388431529822009-10-20T09:28:20.245-07:002009-10-20T09:28:20.245-07:00I agree with your assessments! I am currently a SA...I agree with your assessments! I am currently a SAHM, with a 16 month old and another on the way. Just because I make this choice, does not make me a better, more attentive, more loving mother. I know SAHMs who are some of the worst parents I have known and some working mothers that are some of the best parents. Honestly, I think what you said about not giving up yourself is key to being a better parent (not selfish). If you can stay at home and finding meaning and purpose and reward in that, you might make a wonderful SAHM, but if you can't you will go crazy and be resentful. Some women have great careers that they love that actually cause them to be better mothers, because they are not looking to their children for their identity. Sometimes, absence does make the heart grow fonder- meaning the time they spend with their children may be much "higher quality" bonding time. <br />I personally am able to find meaning and purpose in conjunction with staying at home at this point in my life, but one day I may enjoy returning to my teaching career in special education. Either way, I am eternally thankful that not all mothers make the choice to stay home! Who would deliver my babies if there were no midwives out there :)? Where would most any field be without the influence of the many mothers who chose to give of themselves in other ways? Any SAHM who criticizes working mothers should be ashamed. <br />This is not the only "mommy war" out there and I think the majority of them are mean spirited wastes of time- we are mothers, of course we are all doing what we believe is best for OUR children and OUR families, can we not focus on that instead of picking each other apart for ways we are different?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-81877328440017874812009-10-19T19:02:52.821-07:002009-10-19T19:02:52.821-07:00Thank you so much for posting this and including y...Thank you so much for posting this and including your thoughts and opinions. I have been going through a tough time lately - guilt about putting myself first at times, ahead of my children. I work FT, working toward my CNM degree PT/almost FT, plus trying to squeeze in "me" time to relax. Oh, and plus be a good mom to my 6 yr old and 17 yr old!! It's almost too much responsibility to balance it all sometimes. I'm so relieved to see that it's not only ok, but also normal, to want to put your own desires/needs first before your children. My children are not the be-all and end-all of my existence. One day, they will be out of the house, and on their own. I am not only their mother, but also a nurse, a soon-to-be nurse midwife and a woman with my own needs and wants. <br /><br />And here I was feeling selfish for having occasional "me" time away from it all. Thank you. xoxoAtYourCervixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08238926588944507794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-70674731985638593592009-10-19T14:12:04.928-07:002009-10-19T14:12:04.928-07:00I agree with your perspective on this so much! Rig...I agree with your perspective on this so much! Right on girlfriend! <br /><br />Adrienne Rich wrote the most powerful analysis I know on the subject of motherhood..."Of Woman Born." It changed my life in my twenties because it freed me from my illusions about what motherhood was going to be like. <br /><br />She once wrote "to be a female human being trying to fulfill traditional female functions in a traditional way is in direct conflict with the subversive function of the imagination."<br /><br />Traditional roles were born from religious and legal constraints on women. It can't feel great to participate in that. It can't feel great to subdue one's own imagination. Wondering how that might contribute to the defensiveness and attacks of the SAHer.LesbionicFNPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16792401751092898797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-37537816939293192912009-10-19T13:54:44.510-07:002009-10-19T13:54:44.510-07:00I missed that episode and as a SAHM I agree--- tha...I missed that episode and as a SAHM I agree--- that woman does not speak for all of us! I heard, through the grapevine, that she was completely judgmental and haughty.<br /><br />So on behalf of normal, sweet SAHMs, I apologize about that!Joy@WDDCHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709113785857792361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-708569620643319043.post-35533004312613138672009-10-19T12:40:04.186-07:002009-10-19T12:40:04.186-07:00*applauds*
Also, this "ideal" of full-t...*applauds*<br /><br />Also, this "ideal" of full-time 24/7 parenting is a fairly recent invention, and somewhat artificial. A hundred years ago, say, the rich paid someone else to look after their children much of the time (a nanny, boarding school); the poor had to work and older relatives stepped in; etc. In the developing world, mothers are working much of the day in getting water, preparing food, etc. and aren't spending "quality time" with their children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com